It has been five months since we last were together. We had our good and bad times. I know the wrongs I did to you and remember the wrongs you did to me, but that’s what a couple is right? They get into bad situations and they find solutions and learn from them and grow stronger. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be that man.
I can still remember the first day that I met you. You were in middle school and I was in high school and you came into the band room while I was practicing early morning and you came up to me. It’s pretty funny because even then I was like a girl not introducing you myself first, instead you made the first move to meet me. I remember how you looked back then, so pure, innocent, beautiful, an angel. I also remember when we were at your pool and you thought I couldn’t swim and thought it’d be funny to pour water on me and then jump into the deep in. Little did you know that I could swim and went right after you. With that I remember coming over to your house for halloween and watching dawn of the dead and I wanted to sit next to you and I did. Being nervous I wanted to hold your hand and then have my arm around you like how I did when we went to go watch the grudge, but you’re parents were right there and you know how scared I was and am of your parents. From that past the one memory that really sticks out was when I kissed you for the first time. When I came from chipotle to give you your present, parked across the street because your dad was home, walked over and you told your dad a friend came for a second and I interrupted you eating your ramyun. I was so nervous to kiss you and I almost couldn’t do it. But looking at you with your eyes closed, you really looked like an angel.
April 11, 2010. We finally had our real chance at being together. I was the happiest guy ever. Who can say that they got the one girl that he couldn’t have in high school. Even with the embarrassing harassment, teasing, name calling, and “bullying” I got throughout my senior year when I liked you, I didn’t care. Even going through all that and still somewhat going through that even after we started to actually date, I still didn’t care. It reminded me when I was a senior and all I cared about was you and only you. I know that just saying that wasn’t much, especially the hardship we went through and I did absolutely nothing. I am truly sorry. I have nothing nor no one to blame, but myself.
There is no one else I want to be with. I’m always thinking about the times that I screwed up and it hurts. There are so many things that I regret and wish I could change. I also think about the times that I got hurt by you and wish things were different. Through all the hurting I wish I was a better man to you. Even with all those bad things in my head there are two things that I always think about and it brings a smile to my face. The first is that I think about how happy we were when we first started dating and that those people that who we used to be were happy with each other. The second always brings a smile to my face. I remember what you looked like every time I kissed your nose, you would make this really cute squinty face and I loved it. It makes me sad and mad that I let you go and it makes me even more mad that I burned down the bridge between you and me so that now there can not be ANYTHING between you and me. I have no one to blame, but myself. There isn’t a day that goes by that I regret doing it. Always thinking why couldn’t I have been more patient, why this, why that, why not this, and why not that. Every morning, every day, every night, I’m thinking of you, missing you, wondering what you’re doing, wondering if you’re thinking of me at all or if you completely forgot about me. Every time I’m wishing that things were different and that things will be different between you and me. I’m hoping that one day we can meet and be friends again. Ultimately I would love to be with you again, to be that man you need me to be. I know I have changed, but I threw any chances that I had to show down the drain. It’s funny that I never thought someone could be in love with someone and grow feelings for them more and more everyday and you’re not even with them.
All I can say is…
I’m so sorry.
